Orgasmic jubliance mutates to
Frustrated apathy in seconds.
Long gone are the times of
Infinite laughter and
hic-up filled breaths.
I enter into a
Sorrow-filled state of oblivion and
Confused turmoil,
Forgetting that I was once happy.
-Andi Lipman
Right now I am in the middle of trying to stumble upon happiness...which is harder to do now-a-days with school at an ultimate high, planning a wedding, and trying to graduate! I can be a very determined girl when it comes to something I'm really aiming for. I can attain my goals if I really try...but lately I havent been trying...I've just wanted everything to stop so I can breath a bit. Such a prodigy I want to let myself be, just be wonderous and spontaneous, but my rationalizations usually keep me grounded and bring me back to reality. I've realized that reality is not a place for me..just a place for me to disappoint myself even more. I want to be considered the girl that could do it all... even when I know I can't I wish I could and wish I could be portrayed that way. But who am I kidding...I'm just a girl trying to find herself in this chaotic world.
"If I had my life to live over, I'd dare to make more mistakes next time. I'd relax; I'd limber up. I would be sillier than I have been this trip. I would take fewer things seriously. I would take more chances. I would climb more mountains and swim more rivers. I would eat more ice-cream and less beans. I would perhaps have more actual troubles, but I'd have fewer imaginary ones.
You see, I'm one of those people who lived sensibly and sanely hour after hour, day after day. Oh, I had my moments, and if I had to do it all over again, I'd have more of them. In fact, I'd try to have nothing else. Just moments, one after another, instead of living so many years ahead of each day. I've been one of those persons who never goes anywhere without a thermometer, a hot water bottle and a raincoat and parachute. If I had to do it all over again, I would travel lighter than I have.
If I had my life to live over again, I would start barefoot earlier in the spring, and stay that way later in the fall. I would go to more dance; I would ride more merry-go-rounds. I would pick more daisies."
-Nadine Stair